You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I skipped work to stalk him.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
