It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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