i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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