it wasn't lemon gatorade
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
