Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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