It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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