My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
