I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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