Sry I called you an 8
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
