im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
