You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
