Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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