Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
