i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
