I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
