Got a toothbrush?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
