Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
there is glitter all over my balls
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
