You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Drunk is a universal language darling
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
