There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
