I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
