Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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