it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
