Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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