ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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