She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
