imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
