There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
why do cheetos always look like penises
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
