I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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