Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
