...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Sorry about my life...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
