Well douche your snatch and let's go!
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
