I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
