shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
