Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
