i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
