It's Friday. Sex?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
