Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
