he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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