Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
