I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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