That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
