I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
