Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
