This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
