Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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