Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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