I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
