I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
