Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
