I wish I could teleport
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
