I seem to have left my pride at pride
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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