ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
