I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
