dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Randomize
