after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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