my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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