AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
