hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
