she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You can't just leave with hair like that
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
